I guess I had been in labor for 3 days and didn't even know it. I knew that I was feeling more pain, but I thought it was Rowan getting heavier and putting more weight on my incision. I tried taking a bit of my prescribed oxycodone and that didn't help at all. Maybe I wasn't getting enough sleep or I wasn't hydrated enough but being in labor wasn't even crossing my mind.
It was Palm Sunday, the Sunday before Easter. I had woken up, feeling especially gross, and told my husband I couldn't even get up for church. I ate a little bit of food and decided to go take a nap. At around 12:15pm I'm laying in bed and freak myself out because I felt like I just peed. I ran to the bathroom, and the water is pink...that's not pee...heck, I don't know what it is. I yell for Logan saying my water just broke, at only 33 weeks and 2 days, my water just broke. I call my mom on her cell phone, no answer. I call my dad on his cell phone, and by luck, he answered and said my water just broke. He immediately yells downstairs to my mom, my brother tosses her his car keys, and she's out the door before my dad hangs up. Next thing I know, my mom is at my door and takes one look and says "Hospital, NOW!". The scary thing was, if I was anything like her, I would start contractions ASAP and that couldn't happen or else Rowan and I would die. I get a dress on and start hobbling out the door, already bawling and blaming myself for not keeping Rowan in longer. The cement to our driveway had just been paved and so we couldn't back our cars out. It was raining, and I was starting to walk to my mom's car when my dad honks his truck horn and drives right onto the grass to stop right in front of me. I get in the car and cry all the way to the hospital in American Fork.
When I get to the hospital, the staff was working as slow as molasses, not understanding the urgency of my situation. Finally Dr. Young arrives, takes a look at me, and decides that maybe it would be best if I was taken by ambulance to the University of Utah hospital. Once that was rolling, my dad takes a look at my contraction monitor, tells my mom, and she calls Dr. Ball on his personal cell phone and gets Dr. Young BACK into my room. I was having big contractions 2-5 minutes apart. Dr. Young takes one look, explains to Dr. Ball what's going on and Dr. Ball DEMANDS that I be life flighted to the University.
Yeah, I got to ride in a helicopter.
Once I arrive at the University, and it was confirmed that my water had broken, they figured I was far enough along to not stop my labor and get me prepped for c-section. Everyone was happy that the day had finally come for Rowan to be born. Not me. I was feeling horrible and blaming myself that I hadn't been able to keep him in longer to give him a better fighting chance.
I struggled with those feelings even after he was born.
Rowan Roberts Laycock was delivered at 6:01pm on Sunday, April 13, 2014. He was 19 inches long and 4lbs 9oz. They had to rush him over to Primary Children's and so I didn't even get to see him until 2-3 hours later. When I saw him, he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. All I could say was "Hi Baby, hello my beautiful baby" all the while crying.
This picture was the first time I saw him, it was almost like seeing a baby doll with tubes all in it. With this beautiful little miracle sitting beside me, I couldn't even hold him and I felt like it was my fault. I didn't get over those feelings until he was doing well and able to be discharged from the NICU. I didn't get to hold him until 2 days after he was born. When I held him for the first time, I sobbed and all I could do was rock and say, "He's my baby". I loved him with my whole heart and made a promise to never go a day without seeing him. I would arrive early in the morning and stay late into the night, holding him, singing to him, staying by him, and basically doing everything the nurses would do. I would change his diapers, take his temperature, change his foot monitor, and measure his belly to make sure no pressure was building up. I would be involved in the meetings when doctors would do rounds. He was MY baby, and I needed to take care of him.
Rowan is still on oxygen, but on the most minimal amount, only when he sleeps. He is my beautiful baby and I love him with all my heart.
No more catheters; his bowels are releasing on their own. Movement? Yes, all the way to his tiny, beautiful toes. Head growth? A little on the larger side, but no need for a shunt. Can he hear? Can he see? Yes, hearing is perfect (he just learned to tune things out due to his experience in the NICU) and his tracking is amazing! He's even learning to smile while awake. Happy, healthy, and hungry? As always...last time we checked, he was a whopping 10lbs 12oz.
We are doing therapy to make sure he is aware of his legs and practicing the sensation of rolling over. He tracks beautifully and is my little snuggle bug.
God still allows miracles to happen.
I am so grateful that my miracle just keeps on growing.
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